This has been a rough month. I haven't really felt like blogging about it. I've been crying enough without seeking additional opportunities. Really, I've been avoiding any activities that let me sit down and process my thoughts. ...and if I let myself forget about it, I feel like she's still there and I'll see her the next time I visit.
For those of you who aren't "in the loop", my little sister Becky left this mortal life on October 8th. She was recovering from her brain surgery (of all things) - doing great in rehab. She was doing better than anyone thought possible (neurosurgeons included). Then, the day before she was supposed to go home to her kids, she got a serious headache. None of the medications could make a dint in it. When they finally got her an MRI, they found that her brain tumor was back with a vengeance. Bigger than before her operation.
We all hurried to the hospital to say goodbye. My sisters and brother, my parents, some good family friends, and Becky's husband and older kids. It was the saddest, most tender moment of my life - not just because I was losing my sister. I was watching my parents lose their second child to cancer. My little nieces trying to process the loss of their mother. My awesome brother-in-law saying goodbye to his beloved wife. It was heartbreaking in so many directions.
Becky was an amazing woman. She was such a fun sister. She always wanted the family to get together (and that's love! - it's a big family, with many more hooligans than just mine!) Becky remembered the kind things you did for her and seemed to forget your thoughtless mistakes we all make.
She was the funnest, most cheerful cancer patient ever. (I would've been the whiniest, crabbiest ever. I'm like that with no good excuse all the time.) The only time I saw her cry about it (which - given - I wasn't always around) was when she tried to tell me that someone donated their frequent flier miles so a relative could come up and visit/help out. Then...and any time she saw a loving shout-out supporting her on facebook. She was so touched by all of the support and love people gave her family.
This post is super-inadequate, just like I knew it would be. ...but I'm out of tissues...and I need quit wallowing and go to bed.
I don't think your post was inadequate. In fact, I think that your break from blogging shows how much you miss and think about your sister. I'm so sorry that this happened and that you are all now having to work through this loss. She sounds like a wonderful person, wife, mother, sister, aunt and friend. I hope that you and your family are able to feel comforted by the Spirit and each other.
ReplyDeleteLia,
ReplyDeleteYou are ALL amazing!I wish I could give you a hug right now. I can not even imagine your pain, I am not even Becky's sister and I too have been crying and find myself thinking, she is just going to show up to say hi. I do believe that she is probably looking down trying to yell at us and tell us a good joke to cheer you up. We can all take a little piece of Becky and carry it on. She will forever be in our hearts. I love you Lia!
I cried so much reading this I don't know how you ever managed to write it. I know Becky appreciates your love and would want to comfort your sorrow. When my Dad died, I pointed out to my Mom that the one advantage of having already dealt with the loss of loved ones is we know that the pain dulls with time, but the love remains. May the Lord bless you all with peace and healing.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you. Wallow as much as you need to. There is not timeline for grief. I'm sure I speak for all of your friends when I say I wish there was something I could do to make it better. So, let me(us) know if there is! You, your family, and Becky's family have been in my prayers and will continue to be in my prayers. I'm so sorry!
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine as a parent alone, how hard this must be for your parents. But then you look at all of the obvious inspiration she gave, and her lovely children she treasured so much. She did so much with her short time here on Earth. Comfort to your family through this time.
ReplyDeleteOh, Annalia, I sobbed as I read this. I didn't know. I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I really wish I had something magic or at least profound to say. All the right things have already been said. Just know that I think you are amazing and strong. Our prayers are with your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, for your whole family, and especially those little ones. But I know the rest of you will take good care of them. Carry on!
ReplyDelete((((Hugs!))))
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I was able to go to the funeral and hang out with you last week. Becky is an amazing woman.
Love you!
Can I just post a link to your blog and say "ditto" to avoid sobbing twice in an evening? Very well put, Lia dear.
ReplyDeleteI check your blog several times a week and wondered if something was going on...I've been thinking of you and worried. I'm so very sorry, and that sounds completely inadequate. I wish I could just give you a hug! I think hugs sometimes say the most when words fail us. Your post was beautiful. I hope things get easier...you will continue to be in my thoughts. Much love!
ReplyDeleteHow precious your family is. I am always amazed to see how yall pull together, and how all the cousins love to be around each other. Please know that we feel this loss, and are grieving for each of you. I've known the Tunnells for a really long time, and always LOVED every one of you. Sarah and Linda, I couldn't have gotten married without you! Lia will always be my adopted little girl. Becky was also a favorite because of her infectious humor and little giggle. I loved hugging her sweet little face. What a little darling! Linda!! You are so blessed to have been mother to such fabulous children and grandchildren. It's all because you're such a fabulous person yourself. LOVE YOU ALL!! Over and Over!! Aunt Candy (Hope you don't mind I call myself "Aunt")
ReplyDeleteSarah, I was thinking of doing the same thing. Well said, Lia. It's hard to think about this long, eh
ReplyDelete